This: http://littlewhitelion.com/the-best-of-texts-from-dog-19-pics-47479/

Okay?

Here’s the version at MY house:

From Apache (our 100+ pound Goldadore moose):

Apache: OWT OF KAT FOOD.

Me: There’s cat food in the bowls on the table.

Apache: NO DEREZ NOT.

Me: Did you eat the cat food out of the bowls on the table?

Apache: MAYBE. KATS R MAD. OWT OF KAT FOOD.

Me: No, we’re NOT out of cat food. I have more in the bag on top of the fridge. I’ll feed them when I get home.

… Apache: WE OWT OF KAT FOOD ON TOP OF FRIDGE.

Me: 😐

Or, this  from Apache…

Apache: HUNGREE.

Me: I’ll feed you when I get home.

Apache: DER KAT POOP IN KAT PANZ. SMELZ.

Me: I’ll clean them when I get home.

…Apache: NOT HUNGREE.

Me: What?

Apache: KAT PANZ CLEEN. CAN I KISS U WHEN U GET HOME?

Me: Wha–EWWWWWWW!!!!

——

Or, this from one of the cats:

Dewey: The little dog in the crate is bitching again.

Me: I know. I’ll let her out when I get home.

Dewey: She keeps threatening to “keel” me if I don’t let her out. What does that mean?

Me: That’s she delusional and borderline psychotic.

Dewey: I already knew that. Can I taunt her?

Me: I wouldn’t recommend it.

Dewey: But it’s fun.

Me: It’s mean.

Dewey: And your point is…?

Gidget: De katz wunt let me owt.

Me: You’re not supposed to be out. You destroy the house because you freak out. And, you threatened to kill them.

Gidget: I didnent.

Me: You did.

Gidget: … Onwy tweatened dem becuz dey not let me owt. Wuld only keel dem a wittle, not a wot.

Me: I’ll be home in a little while. I’ll let you out when I get home.

Gidget: U will wue de day u didnent wet me owt. Start wuuing!

Me: You’re delusional. I’d only rue not locking you in your crate when I leave.

Gidget: No, i NOT. NOT dewuzhonal. Dunt even noe wut dat means.

Me: Exactly.

Gidget: Wen i iz wuler of the wurld, u NOT gonna be mah hed minion!

Me: I’ll risk it.

Gidget: Skwew u!

…Gidget: Wen u gonna be home i mees u!

Me: You miss me? I thought you weren’t going to make me your head minion?

Gidget: im not… im feeckle.

Me: You’re not fickle, you’re psycho.

What would texts from your pets say?

Texts from the pets – my version.
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