I know that not everything I write is…mainstream. *cough* It’s not everyone’s cuppa. That’s fine, I get that. What I don’t get is when someone slams something I write not based on the writing or story or, say, something logical like editing or whatever, but because it’s not the way THEY do things.


Um, yeah.

Now, when writing BDSM, believe me, I’ve researched the topic. I’ve had manuscripts vetted by people with decades of lifestyle experience. I’m not pulling stuff out of my ass and making it up. (Well, I’m making up the story, of course, but I’m talking about the technical aspects.)

I write about aspects of BDSM that work with the characters and the story I’m weaving. Is it the way everyone does their BDSM? No, of course not. No two people in the lifestyle are exactly alike. It’s like any other hobby. Personally, I like to browse my phone for easy money making apps when I have free time, but it’d be like slamming someone who flies kites for not flying the same type of kite you do. Does it get off the ground? Do you enjoy flying it? Yes? Then STFU and let me fly my kite.

I realize that a gay Leatherman in San Francisco might practice a different type of kink than a married het couple in Florida, which will be different than a twenty-something in New York City. But it doesn’t make it wrong, just different.

Instead of slamming a book for portraying a different kind of kink than you’re familiar with, try learning from it and relaxing into the story. But don’t slam the book just because it’s “not the way you do it.”

Many of the things I write about in BDSM are either based on conversations with people in the lifestyle or things I’ve personally witnessed first-hand. I don’t go to every BDSM club or private residence to see how everyone else in the whole world does it. I write about what works for my characters and my plot and no, it isn’t the way everyone does it. It’s not even meant to be a commentary on how it “should” be done. It’s simply meant to work within the confines of the story I’m writing.

In other words, if you don’t like what someone writes about BDSM, go fly your own kite and leave the rest of us alone.

Go fly your own damn kite.
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