Still here.

Thank you for the outpouring of support. I’m still trying to put one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow (Thanksgiving) will mark four weeks since the day I found that my sweet Viking had joined his Ancestors. I know Russ would absolutely want me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it’s been fucking hard, not going to lie. It still physically hurts to breathe. I do okay for little bits of time and then the reality punches me in the chest all over again, both from remembering he’s gone, or wanting to text him and remembering I can’t, or seeing something I know he’d love, or that we shared together.

Or flashbacks from when I found him.

Those of you in my Facebook group know some of the… “issues” his siblings and I had to deal with over the past few weeks that made everything about his death that much more difficult. (No, I haven’t hexed anyone…yet. But I’m not taking the option off the table.) But they have absolutely been a blessing and have adopted me into their family and for that I’m eternally grateful. Russ has been sending me little signs here and there, multiple times every day, and I talk to him all the time. My appointment with the trauma/CPTSD therapist is this coming Monday. My ADHD therapist has been helping by checking in on me. Today is the second day I haven’t automatically taken a Xanax upon waking. Yesterday I lasted until mid-afternoon. We’ll see how long I last today.

Spouse has been amazing throughout all of this, supportive and loving even through their own grief at losing who was to them a very dear and close friend, one of the first she came out to as trans earlier this year. And our friends have encircled us with love and support.

We’re not doing “Thanksgiving” this year. I just… I can’t. Because other than my new adopted siblings I am not feeling at all “thankful.” (The next fucking person who comes at me telling me Russ is in a “better place” will be the reason I post a fundraiser asking for bail money, I swear to the Goddess.)

I’ve shoved all my release dates into the future. I just…can’t right now. And they will probably change again depending on how I manage over the next weeks and months. There was a snafu on Kobo with Bleacke Moments and I believe they got that straightened out finally. I apologize for that. My immediate focus (other than, you know, bathing, forcing myself to eat without puking it up, and remembering how to breathe) is trying to get Incisive released.

Thank you. ((HUGS))

The Great Turning and Jailmates in audio.

If you haven’t heard of Scribd, they’re sort of like KU, only better, and with more features. My books The Great Turning and Jailmates are now available there not only in e-book, but in audio format, too. I’ve signed a contract with them to put several of my Lesli Richardson books into audio format. And you can try them FREE for 60 days. Just click this link: https://www.scribd.com/g/fshjq (Seriously, it’s WAY better for authors than KU, and they don’t force us to be exclusive with them the way KU does.)

Signed Print Books.

Because of contractual issues, I don’t have print copies of my Tymber Dalton books to sell, sorry. But if you want to order signed print copies of my Lesli Richardson books, you can order those. Fill out the Google form and I’ll send you a PayPal invoice. Right now, I’m limiting it to US shipping only (sorry). Hopefully after the first of the year I’ll open it to international shipping, too. Right now, I just don’t have the brain power to figure that part out. Click here: https://forms.gle/Y7NhRKmRZKzBUEku8

Still here.
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