BDSM: Switches and debunking the WTW bullshit.

Apparently the WTWs (Won Twue Wayers) are at it again. (Or, maybe that’s at it still.) I got word there’s a couple of self-appointed BDSM “experts” holding court and giving out a lot of bullshit information, such as female Dominants/Dommes like to humiliate men (not true for most of the ones I personally know, including myself), and that switches are “confused.”

Uh, no.

Look, generalizing and slapping bullshit labels and motivations on people and their roles in BDSM is just that — bullshit. It’s especially disconcerting when it’s spouted by a couple of people who are claiming to be “experts” in BDSM.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: other than safety issues, you do BDSM YOUR way, and it’s not wrong. Period.

I am technically a switch, although for nearly every aspect of my life I identify as a Dominant. I only switch with one person–Sir, and He identifies as a Dominant in every other area of His life even though He switches with me.

Am I confused? No. Is He confused? No. Not at all. We know what we like and enjoy. Can people evolve in their journey through BDSM? Absolutely, I see it happen all the time.

But if you listen to some of these BDSM “experts” they would have you believe that switches are confused, or just haven’t met the right Dominant yet, or whatever.

NO.

BULLSHIT.

Frankly, I consider switches more evolved. We’re comfortable in our own skin, and we like what we like and we aren’t afraid to go after it.

Do I think anyone who associates as a Dom or a sub or a slave or a Domme is “wrong” for only being what they have labelled themselves as?

NO. That’s also bullshit.

Unfortunately, there are still too many people out to make a quick buck (or boost their ego, or whatever) by enthralling rapt newbies who don’t know any better and spewing this kind of nonsense.

But before you go swallowing down bullshit people are spouting just because they’re self-proclaimed experts, keep in mind one thing: people who genuinely practice a healthy version of consensual BDSM don’t try to lock people down under labels, or tell people they’re “doing it wrong” (again, not counting safety issues). People who really ARE “experts” on BDSM know that everyone gets to define THEIR OWN LABEL. And that whatever label they want to label themselves as is THEIR decision, not anyone else’s. How one BDSM dynamic practices what they do might be drastically different than how another BDSM dynamic practices theirs. Neither is “wrong” as long as the THREE SECRET RULES of BDSM are being practiced:

1. Everyone must be a human, consenting adult.
2. Everyone must be either having fun or getting whatever it is they need out of the BDSM/power exchange dynamic.
3. No on can be HARMED (as opposed to hurt, because some people WANT to be hurt) by the dynamic/play/power exchange.

That’s IT. Those are the SECRET RULES to BDSM. And any “expert” who tries to slap a shit-ton of rules and labels and other garbage onto it is basically in it for one thing–self-aggrandizement. (Or maybe money, if they’re trying to suck you into a book or a class of doing things their way.)

With the Fifty Shades movie set to hit theaters next month, I know we’re going to see a new influx of people into the BDSM lifestyle. That’s GREAT. The more people who become self-aware, the better. But I also want people to understand the only expectations (again, not including SAFETY issues) are the ones you put on yourself. If someone tries to tell you you’re doing BDSM wrong? Frankly?

Tell them to go fuck off, and to go fuck themselves in the process, because they’re a WTW asshat who obviously doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. (And if they’re trying to push a class or a book on you while they’re spouting that same-said bullshit? Chances are you can guess what their motivations are.)

Tymber’s Latest

A Lovely Shade of Ouch | Crafty Bastards
A Merry Little Kinkmas | Sapiosexual