My BDSM 101 tutorial for writers (and for those curious about the lifestyle) is not only revised and expanded in this second edition…it’s now available in print for the first time! … Read More
Breaths and Heartbeats
Volunteering as management for a BDSM club is sometimes a blessing and a curse… … Read More
#consentmatters – From the case files… NO means NO.
The #MeToo movement has drastically raised awareness of consent and consent violations outside the world of BDSM. It’s ridiculously easy for people to get backed into even minor consent violations outside of a BDSM context where some outsiders might respond by saying, “Oh, just get fucking over it, that’s nothing. You weren’t ‘hurt.’ No harm, … Read More
#BDSM – There is no “right” way, much less a “one” way.
I teach a monthly Lifestyle 101 class at the local BDSM club I volunteer at. One of the first things I talk about is that, aside from safety issues, as long as everyone is a human, consenting adult (over the age of 18), is having fun or getting what they need from the play/dynamic, and … Read More
#BDSM101 Thought for the Day: “Experts”
Always remember that unless someone is talking about a SPECIFIC, specialized topic (for example, fire cupping, needle play, suspension, etc.) if a person claims they are an “expert” in BDSM, they’re full of shit. BDSM is such a widely diverse topic that it literally is the equivalent of a doctor claiming they are an “expert” … Read More
Even Hitler had a dog…
Concerning the Charles Michael Segaloff / Michael Makai arrest. I’d like to address a point the troll on my original post brought up. To clarify for the idiots who didn’t get it from context, I’m sure there are PLENTY of very nice people in that BDSM Without the BS Facebook group who are appalled at Segaloff’s alleged actions involving … Read More
Consent 101 #BDSM #ConsentMatters
In light of the Michael Makai / Charles Michael Segaloff arrest, I’m going to reiterate the basics of consent when it comes to BDSM. This really is not a difficult topic to grok for most people, but apparently some self-appointed BDSM “gurus” like Mr. Makai/Segaloff and others need a reminder. For starters, watch this: Consent is … Read More
US legal system primer: how someone is labelled a “registered sex offender.”
I’m seeing an appalling number of people who are either just woefully ignorant of how our justice system works, or are deliberately being willfully stupid, when it comes to this case of Michael Makai / Charles Michael Segaloff. You cannot just get slapped with a “sex offender” label. To become a registered sex offender, you must … Read More
Why you trust your gut: #BDSM and predators in the lifestyle. (Charles Michael Segaloff / Michael Makai arrest)
Information about sexual predator and registered sex offender Charles Michael Segaloff, aka self-proclaimed BDSM “expert” and author Michael Makai, aka Michael McKay, aka Michael Sage … Read More
Dear Vanillas: Fifty Shades of Grey does not represent ME.
Dear Vanillas who are about to go see Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie (or who are refusing to go see the movie because they think it’s about abuse), I am a real-life practitioner of BDSM. I am a switch and submit only to my Sir, although I identify as a Dominant in all other … Read More
BDSM: Switches and debunking the WTW bullshit.
Apparently the WTWs (Won Twue Wayers) are at it again. (Or, maybe that’s at it still.) I got word there’s a couple of self-appointed BDSM “experts” holding court and giving out a lot of bullshit information, such as female Dominants/Dommes like to humiliate men (not true for most of the ones I personally know, including … Read More