Oh, look. Someone on the Interwebz is having a butthurt cow about consensual BDSM practices. It’s an older article, but one I was only pointed toward just today.
*sigh* http://liberationcollective.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/bdsm-is-violence-against-women
Here’s my response to them, because I seriously doubt they’ll let my comment stand, because, idunno, LOGIC HURTZ.
*Grrrr.*
Equating the 50 Shades books and porn films to real-life consensual, healthy BDSM practices is the equivalent to saying that pedophillic priests means all Catholics, including parishioners, should be put in jail for child abuse.
Seriously, that’s the kind of faulty logic you all are engaging in here.
There are still parts of the world where people are MURDERED for being gay. THAT is a serious cause to go after, not pillorying people who are in healthy BDSM dynamics. And yet you take a tiny, unrealistic subset of a very large population and say THIS IS THE TRUTH ABOUT BDSM, when, in fact, it’s not.
Have any of you ever had sex in any way other than the missionary position? Have any of you ever willingly been blindfolded or *gasp* tied up during sex?
If yes, then you have no room to point fingers at those of us who do CONSENSUALLY practice healthy BDSM.
If you gasped in horror that I suggested such a thing, perhaps you all really need to take a harder look at your own stunted sexual practices.
You don’t get to determine how consenting adults practice their sexuality. Period. Full stop. Just because it’s not YOUR cuppa doesn’t mean you get the right to take that cup from someone else. I couldn’t care less about how you practice your sexuality, so why should you concern yourself about how I practice mine? Do you really have that much free time on your hands?
Are there abusers and assholes in BDSM? Yes, there are. But there are also assholes and abusers in the vanilla world, too.
The fact that the latest version of the DSM has depathologized BDSM should tell you that your heads are stuck in the past and deep in the sand.
You don’t have a right to say how I, or how ANYONE ELSE, practices our sexuality. You don’t. If people are consenting adults, let them do what they want to do in the bedroom. Yes, you are being hypocritical. We are at a time now where women get to decide how to express their sexuality. If it’s not the way YOU want them to express it, well, I guess it sucks to be you then, doesn’t it?
Just the fact that you’re couching your post in terms like “patriarchal rape culture” shows your bias and lack of empathy for people who are different than you.
And FYI, I am a woman who, while I identify as a Dominant in nearly all areas of my life, is also a collared slave who switches with the man I’m collared to. Oh, and he’s not my husband–we’re poly. (Suck on that fact, too, while you’re at it.) I am not being “abused.” I am not being “harmed.” I dare say that I have done more personal recovery, and healed more from my PTSD from a previous relationship, since finding BDSM than I did before. I have empowered myself in ways you apparently aren’t even capable of conceiving, based on your biased report.
Instead of making wide-sweeping, ignorant statements based on some extremely UNrealistic examples at best, and horrific and non-representative examples at worse, how about getting to actually, oh, I don’t know, MEET and TALK to people who engage in healthy BDSM dynamics, instead of treating us like we have cooties.
I don’t even know where to start with that article and the comments except to say this: If there is no consent, then it is NOT BDSM. Period. End of sentence. smdh
Of course I totally agree with you, and I just love when you take on assholes. I love how to take them on with words, I personally would just like to strangle some. Love the Suck on that comment 🙂
What irks me is that they adhere to the idea that people who practice BDSM are just consenting to abuse. Um…wth do you even say to that kind of closed mindedness? Even before I took an interest, it never occurred to me that the people in a BDSM relationship were in one of abuse, and really that was before I even knew what the hell all the letters meant! lol
So, when I ask for some anxiety relief, that I’m just saying, hey honey, it’s ok to abuse me. WHAT kind of logic is that? I’m saying…please take this horrid feeling and do something with it. This just happens to be something that works that I enjoy and is non-pharmaceutical. Sue me.
There is no reasoning with that type of mindset… The fact that her examples were fictional stories and books and people listened were ridiculous. It’s people like that that do harm… abuse happens in all walks of life … and her implications that what needs to change for courts to do what is right, is something consensual is stupid… courts need to stop looking past anything but the incident in question…. that article was one ridiculous sentence after another
Oh and I read the comments after the article and saw only ones who agreed with her… shocker
First I didn’t see any responses that went against the authors opinion. So to me it’s not very impartial, just a way to justify their opinion. Second they also sound like a man hater, blaming the men for all abuse. I always love your rebuttals to nay-sayers of this lifestyle. I don’t practice, my hubby is not into slap and tickle (just a joke no offense meant). I enjoy your books knowing you have “real” experience in this area, to me it brings more emotion from me into a story. I also like the suck on that part lol And I will take the time to Thank You for letting us, as readers, peek just a tiny bit into your life through your books. Safe Harbor was one of the first I read and is still one of my favorites, read many times.
BDSM is NOT abuse. No consent… then it’s not true BDSM. Period. And the author of the article is only posting comments that support her narrow-minded, misinformed rant. Bad journalism at its worst. Not sure whether to feel sorry for the people spewing this hate, or pray they never run for public office. Heaven save us all.
completely agree with your assessment. I am submissive and love going to play parties. I’ve been more happy since I have joined the local community then i have ever been in my life. there will always be some people that will never understand the difference between BDSM and abuse…..I wish they would understand. But articles like this piss me off. Just because it is different than what they do in their life they think it is wrong. How the fuck can they equate abuse with bdsm???? they are completely different things.
Yes, I find it interesting that, as of now, they have yet to approve my comment, or the comments of others who disagree with the original post. That just goes to show they aren’t interested in a true, intellectual discourse. They’re simply radicals with an agenda, and like other radicals, desperate to further their cause at any cost, logic be damned, critical thinking be damned, reason be damned. They’d rather rant and label than listen to different view points and find common ground, instead choosing to go for the most divisive, intellectually faulty thinking possible. They want to present themselves as intellectuals when the truth is, they’re simply closed-minded bigots, as bad as any racist or homophobe.
sigh! I always want to say to people like this “Just how is this any of your business?!”- and although I am not a person in the lifestyle for me it is evidence of a comment I heard years ago in regards to a different situation but it still fits “if you read someone else’s mail you are without context or understanding”. This is someone who wants to judge others for a informed lifestyle CHOICE they make in their PRIVATE life! Keep your opinion out of other people’s lives and bedroom! I am obviously not as informed as some but from everything I have read if/when those in the Lifestyle hear/see/know of those abusing someone swift action is taken. It is always dangerous to read someone else’s mail and the expound a loud public opinion – ignorance is immediately revealed as is prejudice. To all in the lifestyle I just have one recommendation keep the smiles on your faces and have all wondering what you’ve been up to! 🙂
An update: my comment no longer shows up at all on the site. Before, it said “awaiting moderation.” Apparently they’re not interested in an educated discourse, but only perpetuating their radical and completely erroneous opinions. *shrugs* Hope they enjoy their closed-minded world. They’re no better than racists and homophobes, quite frankly. It’s one thing to disagree with a lifestyle choice. It’s another thing entirely to spew factually wrong vitriol about it.
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Wow. Well, I have heard both sides before, and I can see some truth to both arguments, honestly. But as a feminist one of the strongest issues I fight for is body autonomy, the belief that my body is mine alone, and I alone get to decide what happens to it.
If I decide I want to be spanked, I should have that right and privilege.
There are feminists who believe penis-in-vagina sex is a result of patriarchal brainwashing, and I support their refusal to accept penetration. I expect the same respect in return, no matter what my decisions are.
I hate that 50 shades book with a passion, not only for romanticizing abuse, but for giving such powerful ammunition to kink-shamers (and erotica shamers). But the truth is, I still defend that book. I defend the author’s right to tell her story, the reader’s right to enjoy it, and the distributor’s right to sell it. Even though I hate the book and all it stands for.
I think the same thing about BDSM. (though I wouldn’t use the word “hate” to describe my feelings about it) I don’t ever want to be in a D/s relationship. I could never call my lover “Sir” – at least not without laughing 🙂 – but I will always defend the rights of those who enjoy that and feel it enriches their lives.
This person might call themselves a feminist, but unless you are standing up for the rights of ALL women (not just the ones you approve of) you are no feminist.