Friday Funny: Hicky the Hillbilly Vampire

BOOM! *drops right here* Yer welcome!


Our GoFundMe for “The Great Turning” Trilogy.

Available for Pre-Order: Chains

Latest Releases: Spank or Treat | A Turn of the Screwed | ClickLove Slave for Two series collection bundle |  Things Made Right | A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (various) | Sapiosexual (MFM)Crafty Bastards (MMF) | A Merry Little Kinkmas (various) | A Lovely Shade of Ouch (MF) | His Canvas (MF)

TGIF and recap.


It’s Friday, I’m scrambling on deadline, and… *sigh* Here’s a recap of recent posts. ((HUGS)) and have a happy and safe Friday, peeps.


Our GoFundMe for “The Great Turning” Trilogy.

Available for Pre-Order: Chains

Latest Releases: Spank or Treat | A Turn of the Screwed | ClickLove Slave for Two series collection bundle |  Things Made Right | A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (various) | Sapiosexual (MFM)Crafty Bastards (MMF) | A Merry Little Kinkmas (various) | A Lovely Shade of Ouch (MF) | His Canvas (MF)

Clean Reader app update

Chuck Wendig has posted an update about the Clean Reader app fracas.

I, personally, have written the company and requested removal of any of my books that might be in their system. I also alerted my publisher, who will be looking into it, making sure none of our books are included in the app, and taking action if they are.

Another troubling point Chuck makes is that one of his books is available for sale within the app that’s not even LEGALLY available for sale. So where are these books coming from? Obviously, through in-app purchases, as a quick look at the app’s page will show. The app is free, so they’re making their money selling the e-books.

The question is, WHERE are they getting them? That is a copyright infringement issue, right there, despite what the makers claim, if they are acting as an unauthorized middle-man, reselling the e-books. And since I didn’t authorize the app to “display” my file in a way different than the original way it was written, it’s also an unauthorized use of my content in a way I didn’t approve of. While the issue of blanking out words is troubling, even worse is how in certain settings, it can substitute other words. THAT is modifying my material and how it’s displayed.

Some people have defended the app, saying, “Oh, it’s like music on the radio and shows and movies on TV where they bleep or change stuff.” No, it’s not. That’s an FCC legal issue, where certain words are not allowed on public broadcast. (Remember the George Carlin forbidden words list? That.) Stations can be fined if they allow those things to be broadcast over the air and it’s not a paid subscription channel. (Which is why if you try to watch The Walking Dead in syndication on “public” channels that aren’t AMC, you get a different viewing experience.) Also, those are APPROVED modifications to the works.

Key issue there–the rights holders have APPROVED of those modifications.

It’s also different for print books. Yes, someone can go through a print book they’ve purchased and do whatever they want to it. They couldn’t reproduce their changes and resell them. Clean Reader claims not to modify the original file, but how they’re getting the book the customer purchased to the customer and making the display changes is still uncertain and troubling. This isn’t going to a museum and holding up a hand so you can’t see boobies on a painting. This is the equivalent of going to the museum and draping a towel around the waist of the statue of David.

The makers of this app have also blogged comparing it to ordering a salad.

BOOKS ARE NOT SALADS. You can order your salad made the way YOU want it made. Some restaurants don’t allow substitutions or changes, some do. If you want to hire an author to write a “clean” book for you, knock yourself out.

It’s even more disturbing that by making the salad-book comparison, it shows how little the makers of this app really understand publishing. Very disturbing.

Also, Page Foundry, who puts out the app? They also put out an app for romance books.

Can you say “hypocritical?”

I knew you could.

And again, I want to know how they’re obtaining those books, too. They’re in-app purchases.

Why would ANYONE use a third-party app to make book purchases, when you can purchase directly from Kindle, Nook, Kobo, oh, the PUBLISHERS, etc.

Smashwords (kudos to them) has taken the step of making sure all of their books are excluded from the app. (Yay!)

Also, it’s disturbing that many of the words “caught” by this app are body parts. Great way to teach kids lots of shame over stuff. And if the alternate word display option is used, it frequently renders the text in such a garbled way it doesn’t even make sense.

Again, NOT an approved use of an author’s works, to display it in a modified way that wasn’t approved of first. It doesn’t matter if the source file was modified or not, the modified display is NOT approved. Also, if the app is a middleman changing the way the file is displayed, again, there is a potential copyright issue there because if authors didn’t authorize this middleman to even sell the file in the first place, how do we even know legal copies (as Chuck Wendig discovered) are being served?

So, writer beware, make sure your works aren’t included, and if they are, make sure you’ve been properly paid royalties for the sales made. (I wouldn’t be shocked to see a sudden slew of audit requests from publishing companies and self-pubbed authors to verify the numbers.)

What. The. Actual. Fark. (re: Clean Reader app)



Chuck Wendig made the points better than I could. So, THIS:

Fuck You, Clean Reader

(And the “dislike” graphic is NOT for Chuck’s post, it’s for the app he’s talking about.)

As of me posting this, my big comment is awaiting moderation (probably because I referenced a couple of links in it) but this is my comment that I replied with (as well as I’ve replied to a couple of the other commenters in the thread as well, those going through because they have no links on them):



Thank you for this. When I first saw a story about that software, I was like what. The. Actual. Fuck.

If an author wants to write books without swear words? Have at it, cupcake.

Do I swear in my books? My characters do, sometimes, fuck yeah. Because, fuck. Fuckety fuckety FUCKCAKES they sometimes like to swear. And sometimes, they cheese-and-rice don’t swear. And sometimes, they creatively swear by wishing the warts of a thousand toads on the cuntnuggety douchewaffles who piss them right the fark off. (And sometimes they say fark and frak instead of fuck.)

My characters are real. I swear. Not everywhere, or in every situation, no. But anyone who’s worked on a mutherfuckin car from hell KNOWS you HAVE to swear when trying to get a stuck bolt or nut loose. Because FUCKING SWEARING PHYSICS, man. Is too a thing.

Also, this:


Anyone who’s raised a child knows that yes, there ARE periods of your life where you have the most absurdly non-obscene swear words coming out of your mouth, because LITTLE FUCKING PITCHERS, man. And those big DAMN ears of theirs. Cheese-and-rice. Mudder-humping crepe-balls.

And sometimes my characters swear like that.

A snarky, ball-busting character is not going to talk the same as a straight-laced, uptight, reserved character. And if that straight-laced character suddenly drops an F-bomb in the middle of something, you know that’s a serious point for them, that something’s going on.

It’s all about the language. Sometimes, language is eloquent and dainty and all prim and proper. And sometimes it’s like climbing over a desolate landfill of the rustiest, jaggedest, pointiest words there are, with a heaping of salt on top.

I get delighted emails from readers when I come up with creative profanity they haven’t heard before. I take that as a compliment, that they’re actually telling me they love the word I used and plan on using it themselves.

Anyone can call someone a jerk. Or an asshole. But it takes a pen monkey to call someone a douchecanoe filled with smegma-encrusted boil jizz.

Language, yo.

I can’t call the software “censorship” even though in a way it is. I hate when people toss “censorship” and “freedom of speech” around like a two-dollar whore without understanding the true definitions.

To me, software like this is nonconsensual defacement. It’s electronic graffiti. It’s like me saying, “HEY, I am a Pagan, and I’m offended and don’t like that nativity scene on your lawn, so imma just gonna come in here and dress them all like ZZ Top. You’re cool with that, right?”

No, it’s NOT really different when you look at the principle of the matter.

We cannot censor the world. We can’t censor the horror of an airplane going down and taking 150 lives in an instant, nearly twenty of them children and babies.

We cannot censor the really shitty things politicians say about each other and classes of people (even when they’re lying out their eye teeth.)

We have to TEACH our children the values we want them to have, NOT teach them to erase and homogenize and “clean things up” to suit their sensibilities. We have to teach them to accept differences without losing sight of their own core values and to be TOLERANT of differences. Like you said, people can close a book. Stop reading. I’m not forcing anyone to read my books. Some people will like some of my books, some won’t. Some people who like some of my books might not like other books I write. It is what it is.

But it’s culturally very dangerous territory to go wiping things out we don’t like. Also, it might be illegal to go changing the text of copyright material, I don’t know. I didn’t give them permission to change the text of my book. Also, are they having to break DRM on some of these books to make the changes? Can they then upload these books and share them, changed? That (I hope) is illegal, isn’t it?

I do know it pisses me the fuck off when I check out a library book and some asshole has gone through and used a pen to scratch out swear words. That’s DEFACEMENT OF PUBLIC PROPERTY, ASSHOLES. IF someone wants to buy a print copy of a book and do that to THEIR copy, knock yourself out, jerk.

Let’s look at what ISIS is doing to irreplaceable antiquities. Destroying them.

Yes, in a way, this is exactly what software like this does. It’s the same as people trying to “rewrite” Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn to make them politically correct. Instead of making them PC, let’s read them, as-is, and understand WHY they’re NOT PC in this day and age, why they were PC way back when, and the changes that evolved between the writing of them and the NOW that took place.

THAT’S where the value lies. (Lays? I don’t fucking know. I always get that one confused.)

So…thank you, again, for speaking up about this. Before you did, I was wondering, hey, maybe I’m just really reacting badly and it’s no big deal, even though honestly? It disturbed me on a very fundamental level. I’m glad I’m not alone on this one.

Now for something a little lighter…

Dark Lord Funk. (A Harry Potter parody of Uptown Funk.)

The MTV story is funny, too.

Grr. Ready the pitchforks…

images (4)(Note: This post is NOT directed at the majority of my readers. This post is directed at the ones who STEAL my work and deprive me of income I desperately need right now.)

Part of my control panel for my website shows me stats, including page hits, page views, inbound search terms, etc.

Honestly? When someone hits my site inbound from a search term such as “name of my book” torrent? (And I’m seeing a slew of those in my reports over the past few weeks.)

Really? REALLY? You know that’s ILLEGAL, right? You’re trying to find my books for free on pirate sites.

May the malware of a thousand spammers infect your hard drive. And, FYI? Most of those pirate sites DO embed malware on your machine, so haha, KARMA, BITCH.

I’m having a hard enough time right now paying my bills as it is. If you’re pirating my books by getting them from pirate sites, you are NOT helping me. AT ALL. You’re hurting my ability to work. I am NOT Stephen King. Most writers are NOT. I’ve got a 10-year-old car with over 175k miles on it, a 60+ year-old house (and, oh yeah, one of our AC units is dying and this is FLORIDA and I can’t afford to replace it), and I’m NOT sitting on my ass eating bon-bons every day.

I’m usually at my computer anywhere from 12-16 hours a DAY, writing, editing, doing all the other stuff that comes with this gig. I’m not walking into your home and taking a couple of dollars out of your wallet and saying, “Hey, you won’t miss this, right?”

If you’ve been reading my books off illegal sites because you think writers don’t deserve to get paid for their work, or whatever excuse you’re using, then go to my GoFundMe link and contribute a couple of bucks to make up for it, ‘mkay? And pimp the damn link out to others to, oh, HELP ME PAY MY BILLS. It’s the least you can do if you’ve been contributing to the ILLEGAL sharing and distribution of my work.

I have fibromyalgia and arthritis and CFS. Unfortunately, I can’t go work a regular day job, because there are days that I’m working IN BED all day on my laptop because I CAN’T GET OUT OF BED. Or ditto working on the COUCH. (Believe me, I WISH I could. I WISH I could go work a normal day job with a PREDICTABLE paycheck and write on the side for fun.)

THIS IS MY LIVELIHOOD. What don’t you thieves understand? I’m not pulling down a 6-figure income. We’re literally living paycheck-to-paycheck right now, which, in my case, is monthly because I’m fortunate I get some advances from my publisher, and then what little I make self-pubbing comes in monthly. And, guess what? It’s NOT a guaranteed paycheck every month, AND the amount FLUCTUATES. So no, trying to budget is pretty much a damn juggling act. Hubby gets a little bit of a retirement pension and Social Security, but between Medicare and my health insurance, that is eaten up pretty fast, BEFORE we even pay any other bills.

No, I’m NOT talking about LEGAL loans of books via Kindle/Nook. NOT talking about that at ALL. And print books are DIFFERENT.

Why is sharing an e-copy of a book illegal and not like sharing a paper copy? Because you aren’t DUPLICATING the paper copy, that’s why. If you photocopied that print book and handed those out? ILLEGAL.

It’s the replication and duplication of the e-books that puts you squarely in the realm of ILLEGAL ACTIVITY.

If you wouldn’t walk into a brick-and-mortar bookstore and pull a print book off a shelf and walk out without paying for it, then please, PLEASE do NOT pirate books.

If, for whatever reason, you still feel the need to pirate my books, chip in and PAY ME SOMETHING. If you can’t afford to chip in at least $5 if you’ve read $5+ worth of my books for free illegally–what are you reading them ON??? You can afford an e-reader/smart phone/tablet but can’t afford to pay for books? So do me a favor and STOP READING MY BOOKS. If people didn’t request them on pirate sites, the rate of theft would drop. If you can’t pay for books, there’s these things called LIBRARIES in most communities where you can borrow books for FREE. There are used bookstores. There are LEGAL FREE books out there.

Where is it LEGAL to buy my books? Amazon, B&N, Kobo, Google Play, iTunes, Siren-BookStrand, and (in some limited cases) AllRomanceEbooks and Smashwords. I have a spreadsheet of links where you can LEGALLY purchase my books. There might be one or two other ones out there still, like Diesel, Overdrive, or a couple of others, but if in doubt, EMAIL ME to ask me.

There are a few notorious pirate sites out there that CHARGE you for authors’ work. Guess what? WE DON’T MAKE A DIME FROM THOSE THIEVES, AND YOU JUST GAVE THIEVES YOUR FINANCIAL INFO! (Again, haha, karma. Enjoy having to deal with identity theft.)

I know some have used the excuse that well, the books aren’t available in their area. Well, I’m sorry about that, but there are a LOT of books that ARE available in your area, and you don’t need to steal the works of authors to find books that ARE available in your area. I’m sorry they’re not available in your region, but a lot of publishers do sell directly, world-wide, and Kindle is opening up more stores in more regions all the time.

Don’t use the excuse that you’re broke, too. Again, would you walk into a book store and steal a book because you’re broke. No? SAME THING. There are literally COUNTLESS LEGAL FREE BOOKS ONLINE. Kindle, Nook, Smashwords, Projet Gutenberg, etc. FREE and LEGAL books. So you don’t need to pirate MY books (or books of other authors) if your excuse is you can’t afford books. Because you CAN find LEGAL FREE books other than mine (or other authors whose books you’ve illegally pirated). If you’re insisting on finding free copies of MY books and books of other authors, you’re being a spoiled, entitlement-minded thief. Would you let your child steal something if they couldn’t afford it, or would you make them buy a version they could afford (or wait until they saved their money for it)?

Um, DUH.

You want the honest truth? I’m barely keeping my head above water as it is right now. That’s no exaggeration. So are a lot of writers. You file pirates who don’t pay, or who illegally upload and share my books? You’re NOT HELPING ME. You’re not helping your “favorite” authors you claim to “love.” That kind of “love” will drive us out of business and force me personally to go back to writing software tutorials to try to keep food on the table. My mortgage company doesn’t accept your “love” in lieu of a payment every month.

So if you want your “favorite” authors to keep writing books you claim to “love?” Try PAYING FOR THEM. I’ve got a hot news flash, if I can’t afford to make a living writing fiction, I’ll have to stop writing fiction and start writing non-fiction to keep MY BILLS PAID. I don’t have another “day job” I can fall back on to pay my bills. Writing is IT. And if I’m writing non-fiction (especially software tutorials) then I CANNOT write fiction at the same time. Believe me, I tried it early in my career. It was one or the other. My brain won’t multitask like that.

For all of my readers who DO legally purchase my books, and who DO pimp me out, and who are honest and good, I apologize you had to sit through this rant. I know that the majority of my readers ARE good, honest people, and I love you all so, so much, and I’m so incredibly grateful to you all, you have no idea. ((HUGS))

Oh, and if you’re a file pirate and want to try posting a comment trying to defend your theft? Don’t be shocked when my HONEST READERS, as well as other authors, swarm upon you like a ravenous herd of starving piranhas and virtually rip you a few new bodily orifices for it in their replies to you, ‘mkay? And no, I won’t stop them from trashing and shaming you, either.

I’ll be popping popcorn.

Available for Pre-Order: Chains (Suncoast Society)

s-td-ss-chains3Chains (Suncoast Society 20, MMF, BDSM) is now available for pre-order from Siren-BookStrand! :)

Available for Pre-Order

Note: It takes 4-6 weeks for books to be released to third-party sites. I have no control over that. If you have a Kindle, you can order directly from Siren-BookStrand and have the file sent right to your device/app. If you have another kind of device, or read on a tablet, you can buy other format files from Siren-BookStrand and either download them or transfer them to your device. Nook | Kobo | iPad | BookStrand App (Includes FREE books!)


Rebecca escaped her abusive, domineering ex-husband and Dom for a life on the road as a chainmaille jewelry artisan with her dog, Chewi. Unfortunately, she couldn’t escape the fear that ruled her life. When her uncle’s death forces her home again, she meets Toby and Logan and realizes maybe she’s not as happy as she thought.

Toby and Logan are struggling after a betrayal by an ex. Then they discover their next door neighbor’s body and it shocks them into realizing how short and precious life is. When they learn their neighbor’s niece has friends in common with them, signs point to yes and they decide to take another chance.

Rebecca knows their friends are all rooting for them, but when a chance encounter with her ex shatters her calm, she realizes she’s going to have to decide whether to run, or to take a stand and fight the invisible chains she’s allowed to bind her all these years.


Our GoFundMe for “The Great Turning” Trilogy.

Available for Pre-Order: Chains

Latest Releases: Spank or Treat | A Turn of the Screwed | ClickLove Slave for Two series collection bundle |  Things Made Right | A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (various) | Sapiosexual (MFM)Crafty Bastards (MMF)

Third-Party, Print, & Audiobook Updates

me-td-loveslavefortwo3A few more books have hit third-party sites (B&N/Nook, of course, is its usual slow self) and a couple have come out in print, and there’s another audiobook you might not have heard about yet. I also have my spreadsheet of clickable links, where I update as I get new info. You can find it here.

Print Releases:

A Lovely Shade of Ouch (Suncoast Society 11)
Amazon | B&N (Coming Soon)

His Canvas (Sunocoast Society 10)
Amazon | B&N

Flying Monkeys (Drunk Monkeys 6)
Amazon | B&N

Third-Party Releases:

Things Made Right (Suncoast Society 16)


Kindle (US) | Kindle (UK)
Kobo | Nook | Google | iTunes

Love Slave for Two series collection (five books)


Kindle (US) | Kindle (UK)
Kobo | Nook | Google | iTunes

A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (Suncoast Society 15)


Kindle (US) | Kindle (UK)
Nook | Kobo | Google | iTunes


Three Dog Night (Triple Trouble 3)
Audiobook: Amazon | Audible | iTunes


Our GoFundMe for “The Great Turning” Trilogy.

Latest Releases: Spank or Treat | A Turn of the Screwed

ClickLove Slave for Two series collection bundle |  Things Made Right | A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (various) | Sapiosexual (MFM)Crafty Bastards (MMF) | A Merry Little Kinkmas (various) | A Lovely Shade of Ouch (MF) | His Canvas (MF)

Monday Funny: Slow-speed Tortoise Pursuit

This is absolutely adorable. I know the tortoise is REALLY upset, but…come on, it’s funny. I’d probably be chasing someone who interrupted my fun time, too. I’m sure Sheldon the Wonder Minun would approve of this chase. LOL (Click here if the video doesn’t show for you.)


Our GoFundMe for “The Great Turning” Trilogy.

Latest Releases: Spank or Treat | A Turn of the Screwed

ClickLove Slave for Two series collection bundle |  Things Made Right | A Very Kinky Valentine’s Day (various) | Sapiosexual (MFM)Crafty Bastards (MMF) | A Merry Little Kinkmas (various) | A Lovely Shade of Ouch (MF) | His Canvas (MF)

Adult Excerpt: A Turn of the Screwed (Suncoast Society)

s-td-ss-turnofthescrewed3Here’s a story excerpt and an adult excerpt from A Turn of the Screwed (Suncoast Society 19, MMF, BDSM).



Noel has spent the past two years of her ten-year marriage to Scott trying to be his Domme after he admits he thinks he’s gay and knows he’s kinky. When she gives him permission to go be happy, to find a guy who can take care of his needs, he meets Keith. She wants what’s best for Scott, but why’d his Dom have to be so damn hunky?

Scott loves Noel and hates breaking her heart, but he’s spent his life trying to deny who he is. When he meets Keith, he realizes this is perfection. He just wishes he didn’t have to leave Noel.

Keith loves Scott and admires the man’s devotion to Noel. He feels for Noel and realizes that, no matter what, someone will lose to make someone else happy.

But then a stormy night changes everything, and Keith realizes maybe the obvious answer to their mutual happiness has been in front of them the entire time…

Note: It takes 4-6 weeks for books to be released to third-party sites. I have no control over that. If you have a Kindle, you can order directly from Siren-BookStrand and have the file sent right to your device/app. If you have another kind of device, or read on a tablet, you can buy other format files from Siren-BookStrand and either download them or transfer them to your device. Nook | Kobo | iPad | BookStrand App (Includes FREE books!)

Story Excerpt:

Keith wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not, but at least it would be a temporary solution for Noel, if nothing else. Until she could secure another job.

The good news was Noel could still get another teaching job somewhere. That she’d opted not to fight the nonrenewal of her contract meant they’d give her a good recommendation.

He hoped.

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